Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (October 2014)

[430 words] A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, “Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?” — According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years…

Have We Misunderstood Grace?

[460 words] Perhaps the subject of grace has been neglected in some pulpits and congregations. Undoubtedly, it has been misunderstood and improperly taught since the first century (cf. Romans 6:1; Galatians 5:4). It is vital to properly emphasize and explain such a huge concept within the gospel message. Why? Because of what it is—the completely…

Life is in the Blood

[423 words] If you have ever went to the doctor for a checkup and had a blood test done, likely you received a report that showed many results. Now, I remember from science class many moons ago that the blood delivers nutrients and oxygen to the body’s cells. But our blood carries so much more…

Context Can Keep You From Drowning

[487 words] It is possible to twist the scriptures, particularly those portions which are harder to understand, to one’s own destruction (2 Peter 3:16). Satan misuses scripture to cloud the thinking of those he wishes to lead astray (Matthew 4:6), and he certainly has not gone out of business in the information age. We have…

Losing Your Connection

[414 words] With technology comes great gains in the way we are able to live our lives. However, nothing can be more frustrating than when that same technology meant to make our lives easier fails. One of the most frequent ways this can happen is to lose a connection. Cell phones, internet access, and satellite…

You’ll Get Dizzy!

[404 words] A certain man was troubled with dizzy spells, redness in his face, and bulging eyes. Every day when he went to his office, he experienced these things. Weekends were not so bad, so he concluded his work was causing his physical discomfort. He went from one doctor to another and none could tell…

Dog Daze

[426 words] When I was a small boy in North Georgia I used to hear the older folks speak of “Dog Days.” I never quite understood what that meant but I got the idea it meant I couldn’t go swimming for fear of catching a fever or something worse. I suppose every part of the…
Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (September 2014)

[445 words] Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, an elderly woman received a jury duty notice. She called the clerk’s office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. “You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms,” the clerk said. “But I filled them out last year,”…

Leading Others Into Sin

[467 words] The Bible teaches that judgment day is coming. On this future and final day, we will stand before the judgment seat of Christ and give an account of the things we have done in our bodies (2 Corinthians 5:10). The Scriptures reveal that we will be judged individually and personally: “So then every…
Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (August 2014)

[436 words] Donna’s father was visiting for a week, and since he was a pretty good fix-it man, she left him a note before she went to work. It read: “Dad, mileage counter on treadmill not working. Any ideas? Love, Donna.” When she returned home, she read his reply: “Donna, walk until you get tired.…

Worship in Song

[423 words] As a preacher I often sit and look around at the people who are singing. We are singing songs of praise to the God of the universe. We stand in awe at the power and majesty of God. We know this is the same God who created the universe and who will bring…

True Joy Was Never His

[414 words] Buck Owens has always been my favorite country singer. Throughout his career he had 21 number one songs, and 15 of those were consecutive hits. For 17 years he starred on the television show “Hee Haw,” from 1969 till 1986. In 1996 he was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame. He…

Calamity Cain

[422 words] In 1852, Martha Jane Cannary, a.k.a., Calamity Jane, was born. When she was 14 years of age her mother died, and then just one year later her father passed away. Following his death, Calamity Jane found work as a scout at Fort Russell. She was well known for being a good shot and…

Un-Slumping Yourself

[451 words] Most every night, I sit down with my son and read him a bedtime story. He likes to hear some of the stories over and over, and I get so tired of some of them, to be honest. However, there is one that I don’t mind reading over and over. It’s the Dr.…

Curiosity About the Bible

[431 words] Curiosity is an exciting aspect of life. Parents love to see their children explore and discover their world. Likewise, teachers enjoy seeing students come to class with curiosity and a hunger for learning. Curiosity about the Bible is expected and natural as well. Who can help but be moved to seek answers to…

Two Scrawny Frogs

[403 words] A man who had just purchased his first house in the country came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. The proprietor asked where he could find so many frogs. “I’ve got a pond at home just full of them,” the homeowner replied.…

Let Go, But Hold On

[418 words] There is this new movie, Frozen, which is a big hit with my kids, and a lot of others as well. One of the main story lines is about this princess born with great power, but she lives in fear of discovery. Her parents keep her hidden away in solitude. There comes a…

People and Challenges

[402 words] Why is that so many people take the challenge to run in a marathon, but won’t enter the race of faith (Hebrews 12:1-2)? Why is it that so many people develop the skill of self control to engage in an athletic contest, but fail to develop that skill when it comes to their…

There Was a Man…

[405 words] There was a manWho walked this landAnd passed through Galilee.He crossed the fields,Plucked corn for mealsAnd walked upon the sea. Despised of men,Yet without sin,He taught them truth and love.With smiling faceHe told of graceWhich came from God above. Three years He taughtTo turn from naughtTo riches in the sky,To turn from sinAnd…

Your Jericho

[426 words] “By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they had been encircled for seven days” (Hebrews 11:30). Forty years before, twelve spies were sent on a reconnaissance mission to see what the land of Canaan was like. The spies returned with reports of a land flowing with milk and honey, but a…

How to Be Content

[427 words] In Philippians 4:11, the apostle Paul said he learned “how to be content.” How did he do that? Over his years living the Christian life, Paul learned contentment does not depend upon circumstances. Happiness in life can exist in poverty or in riches. It is not the presence or absence of money that…

Can You Hear Him Calling Your Name?

[451 words] While I was in school at Harding, I worked on the campus to help pay my expenses. I occasionally worked with a young man from Germany named Edgar Knobel. The name should give a clue to his nationality. Edgar and I had some unique situations in our conversations. He had his German accent…

I Met a Man and He Said…

[412 words] Recently I talked with a young man who said he wanted to ask me some questions. I am always pleased to deal with any questions people may have, especially questions that have to do with the soul. This young man asked me: 1. “Don’t you believe that God is concerned more with what…

It Is Finished

[486 words] When talking about His sheep and how He was the Good Shepherd, Jesus said, “For this reason the Father loves Me, because I lay down My life so that I may take it again. No one has taken it away from Me, but I lay it down on My own initiative. I have…

Precious Wounds

[428 words] Paul exhorted, ‘Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, ESV). We want to “encourage one another” as Christians, but what does that involve? Our minds immediately go to positive remarks and actions that impart courage, confidence and support. Consider another, less appreciated but…

Trickle Down Economics?

[430 words] Although I do believe the theory of “Trickle Down Economics” in finances is legitimate, I could hardly attach that mentality to God’s blessings. They do come “down” from above (Ephesians 1:3; James 1:17), but we certainly couldn’t call the amount of blessings He sends a “trickle.” Many of us take for granted the…

Hungry? Really?

[458 words] “The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet” (Prov. 27:7). When you are full you don’t want anything else to eat. Even a delicious dessert has no appeal. If you are really hungry, however, you will eat what you can even if it is something…

Be All That You Can Be

[450 words] “I may never march in the infantry, ride in the cavalry, shoot the artillery; I may never fly over the enemy, but I’m in the Lord’s Army.” From 1980 to 2001, the popular recruiting slogan was used to imply that it is only in the United States Army that you can “Be All…

Tithing?

[425 words] ”Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me! But you say,’How have we robbed You? In tithes and offerings” (Malachi 3:8). Regarding the giving of one’s material blessings to God, the teachings of both Testaments bear out a common encouragement, it should be done generously. In the above text, not giving…

A Sense of Wonder

[418 words] One of the many joys of watching children grow is seeing the way that they approach life with a sense of wonder. They are inquisitive and want to know why things look the way they do and why they work the way they do. Then, and this is even better, they have the…

Adopt a Revolutionary Motto for Your Life

[407 words] In the early formation of our country George Washington had the opportunity to become king of the burgeoning nation. But given the young nation’s experience with England and because he had a robust prayer life he knew there was only one King, so he declined the offer. The people of the land apparently…

People Do Change

[404 words] People do change but they do not often change churches. They change from one make of automobile to another. They change their places of residence. Many change husbands or wives. Many change jobs. But there seems to be a kind of stigma against changing churches. People will readily change with churches–that is, if…

Looking for What Can’t Be Seen…Yet

[456 words] A common theme with God’s people–and by that I mean people who were living in and going after a right relationship with God–all throughout the Bible was their yearning to see something that they couldn’t see at the time that they wanted to see it. They had a hope that looked forward to…

Church Shopping

[421 words] “… the church of the living God, the pillar and support of the truth” (1 Timothy 3:15). It seems that more people today are challenging traditional affiliations. For instance, a 2013 Gallup Poll has determined that 42% of American voters consider themselves to be Independent (www.gallup.com). This is the highest number ever of…

The Problem of Evil

[433 words] “Why doesn’t God keep children safe? Why does He allow children to die from cancer or accidents?” These are questions that are often asked in our world. Some people stop believing in God because terrible things happen to innocent children. Sometimes, folks have difficulty understanding how a good and benevolent God could allow…

Therapy for Offenders

[475 words] A newspaper headline read, “Man Gets 176 years for Sex Trafficking.” The man pleaded guilty to 33 counts ranging from trafficking for sexual servitude to statutory rape. Such headlines are common today. Though they pale in comparison to the life sentence plus 1,000 years that Ariel Castro received for h.is unspeakable crimes of…

The Sin of Sodom

[420 words] The Bible relates that God destroyed the city of Sodom because its inhabitants “were wicked and were sinning greatly against the Lord” (Gen. 3:13). What was the wickedness which brought God’s wrath down upon them? Some homosexual advocates try to make the sin of Sodom that of inhospitality. They argue that because the…

What Makes ‘In Jesus’ Name’ So Offensive?

[405 words] At Planet Fitness this morning I caught a glimpse of an old “Fresh Prince” episode, where Will Smith’s character was getting married. During the ceremony, the preacher prayed, beginning “Dear Heavenly Father” but ending “in Your Name, Amen.” With the recent controversy about the omission of Jesus’ name in prayers by the Robertsons…

Forgiveness

[446 words] What on earth can we do about our sin? We can lie about it, ignore it, forget about it, refuse to confess our need for it, and blame it on others, but it will remain unchanged. However, if we understand the tragedy and burden of our sin (Is. .59:2; Rom 6:23), the one…

Your Example Still Matters

[458 words] In this wicked age we may be tempted to think that people no longer care or even notice immorality. Even in evil times, however, there is usually enough of a sense of decency in a community for people to recognize a shameful act. The period of the judges was a corrupt and dangerous…