Garden Time
My gardener talked to me about edible herbs I can grow. It was sage advice.
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I started growing some fungi in my garden, but it failed miserably. I guess there is mushroom for improvement.
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So my neighbor sees me kneeling down, busy in my garden and asks what I’m doing.
“I’m putting all my plants in alphabetical order.“
“Really?! I don’t know how you find the time!”
“It’s right next to the sage.”
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Q: What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A: A rash of good luck.
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Missing in the Mail
Many letters from around the world addressed to God end up at the post office in Jerusalem in the undeliverable mail department.
“We have hundreds of thousands of letters sent to either God or Jesus Christ, and for some reason they come to Jerusalem,” said post office spokesman Yitzak Rabihiya. In one letter, an Israeli man asked God for 5,000 shekels (about $1,000) to ease his poverty.
Postal workers were so moved they sent him 4,300 shekels. “After a month the same person wrote to God again,” Rabihiya explained. “This time he wrote, ‘Thank you, God, for the contribution, but the next time don’t send it through these postmen. They’re thieves. They stole 700 shekels.’”
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Bad Anniversary Gift
Since we have learned how to do marriage better, let’s not be like the two older gentlemen who were talking when one said to the other, “You’re having an anniversary soon, right?”
The other replied, “Yup, a big one…40 years.”
“Wow,” said the first man.
“What are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?”
The other said, “I’m giving her a trip to Australia.”
“Australia! That’s some gift,” said the first man. “That’s going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 45th anniversary?”
“Go back and get her,” he replied.
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A man went into a Jewelry store and asked to look at a piece of jewelry. The jeweler showed him an item that cost $100. “Oh no,” the man said, “That’s too pricey.” The jeweler showed him $80 jewelry and same answer, “too pricey,” all the way down to $20 jewelry. The man said he would like to see something really cheap and the jeweler handed him…a mirror.
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The lady took her five-year-old daughter shopping with her. The little girl watched her mother try on one outfit after another, and each time the little girl said,
“Mommy, you look beautiful!” Finally a woman in the next room called out, “May I borrow your daughter for a moment?” (See Proverbs 16:24).
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Every man who is successful loves to think that he has done it all himself and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that.
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Silly Spring Riddles
What type of bird should you never take to the bank? A rob-in.
Why did the bird go to the hospital? It needed tweet-ment!
Why is the letter A like a flower? A “b” comes after it!
What did the dirt say to the rain? If this keeps up my name will be mud.
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The Farmer and the Pig
A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over. The cop asked the farmer, “Didn’t you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?”
The farmer replied, “No, I didn’t know that.” The cop asked the farmer where he was going and he said, “To Memphis.”
The cop said, “I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis.” So the farmer promised he would.
Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again. The cop said “I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis.”
The farmer replied, “I did and we had so much fun, I taking him to Kings Island now.”