A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
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“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, sir,” the new recruit replied.
“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on, “because after you left early yesterday to go your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
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When a man opens the door of the car for his wife, chances are good that either the car is new, or the wife is.
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A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones’ hearts, would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own heart. Their eyes would always light up with awe, but she never got the response equal to four-year-old David’s comment. She gently tucked the stethoscope into his ears and placed the disk over his heart.
“Listen,” she said, “What do you suppose that is?”
David drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap-tap-tapping deep in his chest. Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin and he asked, “Is that Jesus knocking?”
—
There goes that fellow who lives just down the road. He’s about the smartest person I’ve ever known. He figured out that brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever! He also has studied a lot about time, and he says that in just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. This guy is generous with good advice, too. Just the other day I heard him advising one of the neighbors, “If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.” I’ve had a question in my mind for a long time, and I think he’s just the man that can come up with the answer. I’m confident that he can tell me what disease cured ham had.