Unwanted Visitor
A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the “uppity.” Spotting the man’s dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the church image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, “I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church.” The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, “Did you get a different answer?” The man replied, “Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don’t want me in that church and the Lord said, ‘Don’t worry about it son, I’ve been trying to get into that church for years and haven’t made it yet.”
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From The Mouths of Babes
A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach, saying, “Mommy, my stomach hurts” Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty. You have to put something into it!” She then prepared a bowl of soup.
Later that day the preacher and his wife came over for dinner. The preacher began to feel bad. Holding his head he said, “I have such a terrible headache!” The little girl looked up at him, giving him a sweet smile, and said, “That’s because it’s empty. You have to put something into it!”
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Funny, Yet Serious
A young preacher came upon a farmer working in his field. Being a zealous soul winner, he inquired about the farmer’s soul. “Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my friend?” asked the preacher.
“Naw, these are soybeans,” the farmer replied.
“You don’t understand,” said the preacher. “Are you a Christian?”
“Nope, my name is Jones. You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here.”
The preacher tried again. “Are you lost?”
“Naw! I’ve lived here all my life.”
“Are you prepared for the resurrection?”
The farmer asked, “When’s it gonna be?”
“It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day,” the preacher replied.
“Well, don’t mention it to my wife, she’ll wanna go all three days!”
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Are We On The Same Page?
One day a woman’s housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to her, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Oklahoma.”