Two neighbors were talking over the back fence. “I went to a wedding this weekend,” one said, ”but I don’t think it’s going to last.”
“Why not,” asked the other.
“Well, when the groom said ‘I do,’ the bride said, ‘Don’t use that tone of voice with me!”’
—
My wife still hasn’t spoken to me since last Christmas. I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, and she said, “Oh, just surprise me.” So, at three o’clock Christmas morning, I leaned over and yelled, “BOO!”
—
“What an odd thing tourism is. You fly off to a strange land, eagerly abandoning all the comforts of home, and then expend vast quantities of time and money in a largely futile attempt to recapture the comforts that you wouldn’t have lost if you hadn’t left home in the first place.” — Bill Bryson
—
Back in the old days, a man named Jake drove over to the next county to buy a new bull for the farm. It cost more than expected, and he was left with only one dollar. This was a problem since he needed to let his wife know that he’d bought the bull so she could come get it with the truck, and telegrams cost a dollar a word. He thought for while and said, “Go ahead and just make it this one word: comfortable.”
“How’s that going to get your point across?” asked the clerk.
“Don’t worry,” said Jake. “Sue’s not the greatest reader. She’ll say it real slow.”
—
At the end of his shift, the police officer parked his police van in front of the station. His K-9 partner, Bo, was in the back. As the officer was exiting his vehicle, a little boy walked by and looked in the back window of the van.
“Is that a dog you got back there?” the boy asked.
“It sure is,” the officer replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at the officer and then back at the dog.
Finally he asked, “What did he do?”