Humor | Bulletin Digest

On the Lighter Side (December 2023)

Reindeer Games According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so). Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer,…

On the Lighter Side (November 2023)

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm…

On the Lighter Side (October 2023)

A Bible school helper was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,” said another, “he’s just…

On the Lighter Side (September 2023)

Perspective is Good Dear Mom and Dad, I guess you heard by now that the dorm burned. We were all in the basement smoking pot, and I guess somehow we set the dorm on fire. But no one was hurt, and we got most of our belongings out in time. Oh, and I’m getting married…

On the Lighter Side (August 2023)

Wise Rules for Pilots 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again. 3. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing…

On the Lighter Side (July 2023)

Birthday SurpriseA young man was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses…one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions…

On the Lighter Side (June 2023)

Signs of the Times • Plumber “We repair what your husband fixed.”• Pizza shop slogan “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”• At a tire shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”• Door of a plastic surgeons office: “Hello, can we pick your nose?”• Sign at the psychic’s hotline “Don’t call us, we’ll…

On the Lighter Side (April 2023)

Garden Time My gardener talked to me about edible herbs I can grow. It was sage advice. — I started growing some fungi in my garden, but it failed miserably. I guess there is mushroom for improvement. — So my neighbor sees me kneeling down, busy in my garden and asks what I’m doing.”I’m putting…

On the Lighter Side (March 2023)

Lesson Learned! A businessman was driving home from work when he was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Two days later–same ticket, same cop. “So,” the officer said, “have you learned anything?” “Yes, I have,” said the man. “I’ve learned I need to take a different way home from work.” — “If you…

On the Lighter Side (February 2023)

That Explains It A Scottish mother visits her son in his New York City apartment and asks, “How do you find the Americans, Donald?” “Mother,” says Donald, “they’re such noisy people. One neighbor won’t stop banging his head against the wall, while the other screams and screams all night long.” “Oh, Donald! How do you…

On the Lighter Side (January 2023)

Just the Nine of Us In Budapest, a man goes to the preacher and complains, “Life is unbearable. There are nine of us living in one room. What can I do?” The preacher answers, “Take your goat into the room with you.” The man in incredulous, but the preacher insists. “Do as I say and…

On the Lighter Side (December 2022)

The Lost Purse A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.” The boy…

On the Lighter Side (November 2022)

Fall Groaners Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to? A: Plymouth Rock. Q: Why did the pumpkin lose the boxing match? A: He let his gourd down. Q: If the Pilgrims were still alive, what would they be most famous for? A: Their age. Q: Why do birds fly south for the…

On the Lighter Side (October 2022)

The Mysterious Sound A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries…

On the Lighter Side (September 2022)

Calling in Sick Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “This man,” he announced, “called in sick yesterday!” There on…

On the Lighter Side (August 2022)

Special Golf Ball Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball. “Don’t you have at least one other golf ball?”, he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. “Are you sure?” the friend…

On the Lighter Side (July 2022)

A mangy-looking guy walks into a very classy restaurant and orders a steak. The waitress says: “I’m sorry, but I don’t think you can pay for your meal.” The guy admits, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me my supper?” The…

On the Lighter Side (June 2022)

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your truck?” “Fertilizer,” the farmer replied. “What are you going to do with it?” asked the little boy. “Put it on strawberries,” answered the farmer. “You…

On the Lighter Side (May 2022)

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places. — Once there was a man who went to an exotic country and came across a stall selling handmade handheld fans. He asked for the prettiest and longest-lasting one and the owner charged him a…

On the Lighter Side (April 2022)

So is a person who takes care of hens a chicken tender? — Bill’s barn burned down, and his wife Polly called the insurance company. She told the agent, “We had that barn insured for $50,000, and I want my money.” The agent replied, “Hold on just a minute, Polly. Insurance doesn’t work quite like…

On the Lighter Side (March 2022)

Q: Why did the chicken go to the seance?A: To get to the other side. Q: What did the pirate say when he turned 80?A: Aye matey. Q: What kind of sandals do frogs wear?A: Open-toad. The GreatestA little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap,…

On the Lighter Side (May 2013)

As a man is walking down the street with his friend, he says, “Look at me. I’m a walking economy.” His friend replies, “And just how do you figure that?” “Well, my hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me in deep depression.…

On the Lighter Side (April 2013)

Vengeance is mine,” thus sayeth the Little Guy. Three burly fellows on huge motorcycles pulled up to a highway cafe where a truck driver, just a little guy, was perched on a stool quietly eating his lunch. As the three fellows came in, they spotted him, grabbed his food away from him and laughed in…

On the Lighter Side (February 2022)

Never fall in love with a pastry chef. He’ll only dessert you. Man: “Honey, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you something… I’m not rich like Jack. I don’t have a mansion like Russell. I don’t have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you.” Woman:…

On the Lighter Side (December 2021)

[145 words] New Year’s Laughers Q: What is a New Year’s resolution?A: Something that goes in one year and out the other. Q: What was Dr. Frankenstein’s new year’s resolution?A: To make new friends. Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for New Year’s. Middle age is when you’re forced to. An optimist stays…

On the Lighter Side (November 2021)

Thanksgiving Sillies About two weeks into November, the head turkey turns to his second-in-command and says, “I have a feeling something’s going down. The farmer just unfriended me on Facebook.” Q: What’s the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving?A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day. On Election Day, you get a turkey…

On the Lighter Side (October 2021)

Let’s Get CookingA new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping. This morning, my wife said she wanted me to help fix Thanksgiving dinner. I said, “Why? Is it broken?” Q: How do you…

On the Lighter Side (September 2021)

Mental Age Test This test was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without making a mistake. The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it. 1. This is this cat.2. This is is cat.3. This is how…

On the Lighter Side (August 2021)

[181 words] Miniature GolfIt was at a miniature golf course on a brutally hot day when I saw a father with 3 kids. “Who’s winning?” I asked cheerfully. “I am” said one. “No, I am” said another. “No,” the father said, “their mother is!” Well That Makes SenseVacationing in Vermont, I picked up the local…

On the Lighter Side (July 2021)

[168 words] Back to School FunniesWhat kind of school do you go to if you’re……an ice cream man? Sundae school.…a giant? High school.…a surfer? Boarding school.…King Arthur? Knight school. Mom: What did you do at school today?Mark: We did a guessing game.Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam.Mark: That’s right! Teacher: Daniel,…

On the Lighter Side (June 2021)

Summer Riddles Q: What do cats like to eat in the summer?A: Mice Cream Cones! Q: What do you call a tiger that drinks lemonade?A: A sour puss! Q: What do frogs eat in the summer?A: Hopsicles! Q: Why can’t you play hide and seek with mountains?A: Because their always peeking Q: Where do sheep…

On the Lighter Side (May 2021)

Employment OpportunitiesI told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a five percent raise.Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?” I responded, “The gas, electric and…

On the Lighter Side (April 2021)

From Adam’s RibDuring a Sunday school lesson, a child learned about how God created human beings. The child became especially focused when the teacher explained how Eve was created from Adam’s ribs. Later in the week, the boy’s mother saw him lying down on the floor, so she asked him what was wrong. His reply…

On the Lighter Side (March 2021)

Planned AbsenteeismA college faculty member received this e-mail from a prospective student prior to the start of the semester: “Dear Professor, I won’t be able to come to any of your classes or meet for any of the tests. Is this a problem?” Knock Knock.Who’s there?Control Freak.Con…OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?” Q: Why…

On the Lighter Side (February 2021)

My Punny Valentine Q: What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day?A: I wuv you watts and watts! Q: What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine’s Day?A: Hogs and kisses. Q: Why do skunks love Valentine’s Day?A: They are very scent-imental creatures. Q: What did the painter…

On the Lighter Side (December 2020)

We Need a Riddle Christmas Q: What do you call Santa’s little helpers?A: Subordinate clauses. Q: Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital?A: Because he has private elf care! Q: What do you call an elf that can sing and dance?A: Elfis. Q: What do you call a broke Santa?A: Saint Nickel-less Q: What…

On the Lighter Side (November 2020)

[152 words] Thanksgiving Funnies Q: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?A: He sensed fowl play. Q: If you call a big turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one?A: A goblet. Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?A: Because he had his own drumsticks.”…

On The Lighter Side (October 2020)

A Punny Fall Q: Why did the lions move at the end of summer?A: Because the pride goeth before the fall! Did you hear about the tree who deserted the forest at the end of fall?He was absent without leaves! Q: Why do trees hate going back to school in the fall?A: Because they’re easily…

On the Lighter Side (September 2020)

Things Are Tough All OverMy wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low… She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, “Why in the world did they start charging…

On the Lighter Side (August 2020)

[116 words] Back to SchoolMy teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.I told them, “Just you wait!” What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew.” Math Teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in…

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