Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (February 2013)

[427 words] On her birthday morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening just before her birthday celebration, he came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (January 2013)

[506 words] Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child. I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (December 2014)

[328 words] Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: “Let’s play Christmas. I’ll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I’ll give you away.” — A man was applying for credit at a department store. Clerk: What do you do for a living? Man: I’m a tree trimmer. Clerk: What do you do after...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (November 2014)

[397 words] A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to a dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novocaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.” The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (March 2019)

[258 words] Too Many CatsTeacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”Johnny: “Seven.”Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”Johnny: “Seven.”Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (October 2014)

[430 words] A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, “Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?” — According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (September 2014)

[445 words] Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, an elderly woman received a jury duty notice. She called the clerk’s office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. “You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms,” the clerk said. “But I filled them out last year,”...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (August 2014)

[436 words] Donna’s father was visiting for a week, and since he was a pretty good fix-it man, she left him a note before she went to work. It read: “Dad, mileage counter on treadmill not working. Any ideas? Love, Donna.” When she returned home, she read his reply: “Donna, walk until you get tired....

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (July 2014)

[396 words] A little boy and his daddy were looking at a litter of puppies, planning to buy one, and the daddy asked the boy which one he wanted. The lad pointed to a pup whose tail was wagging furiously and said, “That one with the happy ending!” – How Adam Had It Easy 1....

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (June 2014)

[374 words] A none-too-alert motorist sat motionless behind the wheel of his car. The traffic signal changed from green to yellow to red and back to green again. Still he sat staring ahead. Whereupon a police officer approached the absentminded man and demanded: “Mister, don’t we have any colors you like?” – There is a...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (April 2014)

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, “low bridge ahead.” Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets our of his car...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (March 2014)

One day the preacher asked for everyone who wanted to go to heaven to raise their hand. One little boy up front did not raise his hand. The preacher called him out. “Son, don’t you want to go to heaven someday?” The boy said, “Yes, but I thought you were getting up a bunch to...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side

[ The minister had been invited back to dinner after coming two months prior. Immediately after giving thanks for the food, one of the children said, “Know what? That’s the first time we’ve said grace since you ate with us before! — I’ve started a new exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (January 2014)

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On The Lighter Side (February 2019)

[281 words] My Punny Valentine 1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you and I don’t care who knows it! 2. What did one boat say to the other? Are you up for a little row-mance? 3. How can you tell if a calendar is popular? It has a lot of dates! 4....

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (October 2015)

  [418 words] A Special License After a recent college basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor. He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees and said, “Here’s your phone.” “What makes you think it’s mine?” the referee asked. “Easy,” said the coach. “It says you...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (September 2015)

  [426 words] A Special License A policeman looked up to see a woman racing down the center of the road at 100 m.p.h. He pulled her over and said, “Hey, lady, would you mind telling me why you’re going so fast down the middle of the road?” “Oh, it’s okay, Officer,” she replied. “I...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (August 2015)

  [442 words] The Coin Toss By the time Bobby arrived, the football game had already started. “Why are you so late?” asked his friend. “I couldn’t decide between going to church and going to the football game. So I tossed a coin,” said Bobby. “But that shouldn’t have taken too long.” said the friend....

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (January 2019)

  [ 216 words] Valentine’s Humor Q: How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? A: He gave her a ring. Q: What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed? A: Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage? What Every Girl Wants for Valentine’s Day...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (December 2018)

  [134 words] Reindeer Games Q: What do you call a blind reindeer? A: I have no eye deer. Q: What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? A: Rude-olph. Q: What do you call a scary looking reindeer? A: A cariboo. Q: What do reindeers say before they tell you a joke? A: This one’s...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (November 2018)

  [97 words] A Sudden Fall “Congratulations Mr. Smith,” said the Psychiatrist. “I think we have finally and completely cured you of your delusion.” “Thanks, I guess,” answered Mr. Smith grimly. “But what’s wrong?” asked the psychiatrist. “Why do you sound so depressed?” “Wouldn’t you be down if one day you’re the President and the...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (October 2018)

  [143 words] Watch Your Step One fall day a young mother and her boys were walking in the garden so she could show them the autumn harvest. Making sure they looked where they were stepping, she said, “Watch out for the butternut squash.” The youngest child, a four-year-old, asked, “Better not squash what?” Oh,...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (August 2018)

  [116 words] Teacher: I see you missed the first day of school. Pupil: Yes, but I didn’t miss it much. Kid: I think we need a new teacher. Mom: Why is that? Kid: Our teacher doesn’t know anything, she keeps asking us for the answers. Mom: What did you learn today? Kid: Not enough....

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (July 2015)

Don’t Monkey With Me! A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, “Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo.” The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again,...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (July 2018)

  [191 words] Forgiveness There was a man standing before a judge in California for shooting a Condor. This a protected bird and people who kill them must pay the consequences. The man pleaded with the judge by saying, “I just arrived in this state and I have never seen a bird that large before....

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (May 2018)

  [131 words] Things Mom Taught Me: Logic: “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.” Humor: “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.” Justice: “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (April 2018)

  [214 words] April Groaners Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1? A: Because they just finished a 31-day March! Q: What goes up when the rain comes down? A: An umbrella! Q: What letter is like a spring flower? A: The letter A, because a bee comes after it. Q: When do...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (June 2015)

The Atheist and the Bear An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself. As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a seven-foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (February 2018)

[194 words] Dream Valentine One morning Emma woke up with a start. Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, “I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” Jim said. That evening, Jim home with a...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (January 2018)

[227 words] All in How You View It An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves. Perfect Timing The last time we changed from daylight saving time, a preacher friend posted, “For those who habitually show up 15 minutes late to church, allow...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (April 2015)

A minister selected a fifty-cent item in a discount store, but he suddenly realized he had no money with him. He said to the clerk, “I could invite you to come hear me preach, but I don’t have any fifty-cent sermons.” The clerk said, “Maybe I could come hear you twice.” — “Now how many...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (March 2015)

“We had a power outage at our house this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD , iPad, and my new surround sound music system were all shut down. “Then I discovered my phone battery was flat and, to top it all off, it was raining outside so I couldn’t play golf. “I went to...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (February 2015)

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with a dummy. The genius says, “Hey dummy, every question I ask you that you don’t know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can’t answer yours I will give you $5,000.” The dummy says, “Okay.” The...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (January 2015)

“Dear God: I bet it’s very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.” – We had just finished tucking our five kids into bed when three-year-old Billy began to wail. Turns out, he had accidentally swallowed...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (November 2016)

First Job Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (September 2016)

Method of Identification Wally and Dallas, each bought a horse and they rode them together for the summer. When winter came, they didn’t want to pay to have them stabled for the winter. Instead, they decided to release them in a pasture and get them in the spring. Wally asked, “How’re we going to know...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On The Lighter Side (August 2016)

Fifty-Fifty The editor of a small-town newspaper, furious over several bills that had just been passed, printed a scathing editorial with the enormous headline, “HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS.” Many local politicians were outraged and exerted tremendous pressure on the editor to print a retraction. He finally gave in to their demands and ran his...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (June-July 2016)

Lunch Time Joey: “I don’t want to take my little sister fishing. Last time I didn’t catch a single fish.” Mother: “I’ll talk to her. This time she won’t make any noise.” Joey: “It wasn’t the noise. She ate all the bait!” Click It or Ticket A lady who was speeding was pulled over to...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (April-May 2016)

Repentance: Tax Style After hearing a sermon on Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the IRS, “I can’t sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send the rest.” Renters’ Excuses These tenants gave landlords creative reasons for avoiding...

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Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On The Lighter Side (March 2016)

Confusing Password I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back. We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As...

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