A college faculty member received this e-mail from a prospective student prior to the start of the semester: “Dear Professor, I won’t be able to come to any of your classes or meet for any of the tests. Is this a problem?”
OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
Q: Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
A: They always take things literally.
Q: What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Q: What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
A: Same middle name.
You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.
When a boss overheard one of her cashiers tell a customer, “We haven’t had it for a while, and I doubt we’ll be getting it soon,” she quickly assured the customer that they would have whatever it was she wanted by next week. After she left, the boss read the cashier the riot act.
“Never tell the customer that we’re out of anything. Tell them we’ll have it next week,” she instructed her. “Now, what did she want?”