[315 words]

Come Out and Play
George knocked on the door of his friend’s house. When his friend’s mother answered he asked, “can Albert come out to play?”
“No,” said the mother, “it’s too cold.”
“Well, then,” said George, “can his football come out to play?”

Three Gifts for Mom
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. 
The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” 
The second said,” I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can’t see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.” 
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Milton,” she wrote the first son, “The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.” 
“Marvin,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!” 
“Dearest Melvin,” she wrote to her third son, “You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious.”

A Mother’s Day Letter
“Dear Mom, I was going to give you an all-expense-paid, first-class trip to Hawaii four Mother’s Day, but I knew how much you’d miss me, and I just couldn’t stand to put you through that kind of agony.”

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