On the Lighter Side (November 2022)

Fall Groaners

Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?

A: Plymouth Rock.

Q: Why did the pumpkin lose the boxing match?

A: He let his gourd down.

Q: If the Pilgrims were still alive, what would they be most famous for?

A: Their age.

Q: Why do birds fly south for the fall?

A: Because it’s quicker than walking.

I Want a Worm to Eat

A young mother tried in vain to get her spoiled son to eat his meal. As he repeatedly refused to eat what she had prepared, she asked him what he would like to eat.

Trying to be as difficult as he could, the boy replied, “I want a worm to eat!” The mother had read in her psychology book that children should be given just what they want, so she instructed the father to go to the garden and find a worm.

The father did, but the son was still dissatisfied. He complained that he wanted the worm cooked. So his mother cooked the worm and set it on the table, but again the same old story of refusal. “Now what?” asked the mother, and the boy said he wanted his father to eat half the worm first.

Still believing in the idea that the child should have his way, the father reluctantly ate half the worm. No sooner had this been done than the boy let out a tremendous howl of dissatisfaction, “Daddy ate the half that I wanted.”

Same Man?

A man was sitting on a hard, bumpy, elevated piece of rock, fishing. His wife watched him for a while and then commented to their daughter, “Is this the same man who complains every Sunday that the church pews are too uncomfortable?”

The Smarter Dog

Two female dog owners were arguing about whose dog is smarter. The first woman said, “My dog is so smart, every morning he brings the newspaper to me in bed.” The second woman replied, “I know.” “How?” the first woman asked. And she answered, “My dog told me.”

Definition of Old Timer

An old timer is one who remembers when people aimed to get to heaven instead of the moon.

House Training

A young girl adopted a stray cat. To her parents’ distress, the cat used the back of the couch as a scratching post. “Don’t worry,” the father said. “I’ll have him trained in no time at all!” For several weeks he trained the cat. Whenever the cat scratched the couch, the father put him outside to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 15 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

The Survey Says

According to a recent survey, kids are receiving an average of 40 cents less per tooth from the Tooth Fairy. That’s right, the economy is so bad even make believe people are feeling the pinch!

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