Dad Jokes
What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open-toad sandals.
I just built an ATM that only gives out coins. I don’t know why no one’s thought of it before: it just makes cents!
Did I ever tell you about the time I went mushroom foraging? It’s a story with a morel at the end.
Why do crabs never volunteer? Because they’re shell-fish.
I had a quiet game of tennis today. There was no racket.
What’s a shark’s favorite saying? “Man overboard!”
I poured some water over a duck’s back yesterday. I don’t think he cared.
Why did the electric car feel discriminated against? Because the rules weren’t current.
I’m such a good navigator, a self-driving car once asked me for directions.
Why do melons have weddings? They cantelope.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left the ranch? Bi-son.
Watch what you say around the egg whites. They can’t take a yolk.
—
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t, dear,” she said. “I have to sleep with Daddy.”
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”
—
A four-year-old boy was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, “Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?”
“Because,” his dad explained, “after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing the molecular structure and turning it into a different color.”
There was a long silence. Then the son asked softly, “Daddy, are you talking to me?”
—
After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.
Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping.
His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy’s ear. Sammy was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from his father’s hand, swallowed, and then cheerfully demanded, “Do it again, Dad!”