Humor | March 2020, Vol. 39, No. 3

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On the Lighter Side (March 2020)

posted on March 3, 2020

 

Now There’s the Problem
Old man comes into a restaurant, sits at his usual table, and orders the usual — matzoh ball soup.

The waiter sets it down in front of him, and stands back to watch him enjoy it. But the man just sits there.

“Is there something wrong?” the waiter asks.

“I can’t eat this soup,” the man replies.

“Is it too hot?” the waiter asks. “No.” “Too cold?” “No.” “Too salty?” “No.”

The waiter calls for the maitre d’, and for the chef, and each goes through the same routine: “Too hot?” “Too cold?” “No, no no.”

Finally the chief, at his wits end, says, “Sir, I will taste the soup myself. Where is the spoon?”

Says the old man: “A-ha!”

Corniest Library Joke Ever
A chicken marches into the library, walks up to the library desk, and says: “Book, book, BOOK!”

The librarian hands over a a couple of slim children’s paperbacks, and watches the chicken as it leaves the library, walks across the street, through a field, and disappears down the hill.

Next day, the chicken is back. Walks right up to the librarian, drops the books on her desk, and says, “Book, Book, BOOK, BOOK!” The librarian hands over a few books and again watches the chicken drag them away.

The next day, the chicken comes for a third time. Drops the books on the desk, and says, “Book, Book, Book, BOOK!!”

This time, once the chicken is out the door, the librarian follows — across the street, through a field, and down the hill to a small pond.

On a rock on the edge of the pond is the biggest frog the librarian has ever seen. The chicken walks up to the frog, drops the book on the pond’s edge, and says, “Book, Book, Book!”

The frog hops over, uses the front leg to push through the pile, and says: “Read it, read it, read it…”

At Least It’s An Answer
It’s the first day of school.

The school bus stops and a little blonde girl gets on. The bus driver says, “Oh, what a darling little girl! Where did you get those blonde curls?”

The little girl replies, “From my mom!”

At the next stop a little redhead gets on. The bus driver says, “Oh, you lovely thing! Where ever did you get those gorgeous strawberry curls?”

“I look just like my dad!” says the second girl.

At the next stop, a girl with green hair gets on. The bus driver is a little shocked, but she pulls herself together and says “My, what unusual green hair! Where did you get it from?”

All in one motion, the girl puts the heel of her hand at her chin, and pushes upward as she produces an enormous, juicy “Sneeee-r-r-r-rk!” sound from her nose. Continuing with her whole hand flat on her forehead, she pushes upward and backwards, running her fingers through her hair.

Finally, she drops her hand and says, innocently, “No idea!”

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