On the Lighter Side (April 2013)

Vengeance is mine,” thus sayeth the Little Guy. Three burly fellows on huge motorcycles pulled up to a highway cafe where a truck driver, just a little guy, was perched on a stool quietly eating his lunch. As the three fellows came in, they spotted him, grabbed his food away from him and laughed in his face. The truck driver said nothing. He got up, paid for his food and walked out. One of the three cyclists, unhappy that they hadn’t succeeded in provoking the little guy into a fight, commented to the waitress, “Boy, he sure wasn’t much of a man, was he?” The waitress replied, “Well, I guess not.” Then, looking out the window, she added, “I guess he’s not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran over three motorcycles.”

Mr. Smith went to his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he said. “We’re doing some heavy house cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”

“We’re short-handed, Smith,” the boss replied. “l can’t give you the day off.”

“Thanks, boss.” said Smith. “I knew I could count on you!”

“We’re ten miles from land.”

“What direction?”

“Straight down!”

A PAINFUL PLAN

Dentist: “Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?”

Patient: “Why? It wasn’t all that bad this time!”

Dentist: “There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock football game.”

KEEPING THE KIDS

A young man volunteer to babysit so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the kids to bed and sat down to watch a basketball game. One kid kept creeping down the stairs, but the young man sent him back. At 9 p.m. the doorbell rang. “ls my son here?” asked the neighbor. The young man replied briskly, “No!” A small voice from the top of the stairs called, “l’m here, Mom. He won’t let me go home.”

LET’S BE CLEAR

Attorney: “What is your date of birth?”

Witness: “July 18th.”

Attorney: “What year?”

Witness: “Every year.”

ADOPTING AN ATTITUDE

The teacher had the children draw pictures of their families. One child drew one boy with a different hair color than the rest. A little girl suggested he was adopted. “I know all about adoption, “she said. “I was adopted.”

“What does it mean to be adopted?” asked another child.

“It means,” said the little girl, “that you grew in your mommy’s heart instead of her tummy.”

People seldom get dizzy from doing good turns.

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