A Bible school helper was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.
“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to the vet: “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for it?”
“Well” said the vet “lets have a look at him”
So he picks the dog up and has a good look at it’s eyes.
“Well” says the vet “I’m going to have to put him down”
“Just because he’s cross-eyed?” says the man.
“No, because he’s heavy” says the vet, rubbing his arms.
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.
The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.” And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”
To which the owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning 4:44 a.m. by his ringing telephone.
“Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an angry voice.
Bernard thanked the caller and politely confirmed his name and number before hanging up.
The next morning at precisely 4:44 a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back.
“Good morning, Mr. Williams. Just called to say that I don’t have a dog.”
Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign warning, “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked the owner.
“Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
How to Tell the Weather
To Tell the weather, Go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Two snakes were slithering through a field. One snake turned to the other and asked, “Do you suppose we are poisonous snakes?”
“I don’t know,” replied the other, “Why?”
“Well,” said the first, “I just bit my lip.”
The California State Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the Yosemite and Mammoth areas.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bear unexpectedly. They also advise carrying pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity and know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings.
Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.