Let’s Get Cooking
A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.
This morning, my wife said she wanted me to help fix Thanksgiving dinner. I said, “Why? Is it broken?”
Q: How do you win an argument with your family at Thanksgiving this year?
A: Hit the “End Meeting” button.
Q: What does a disappointed mother turkey tell her kids?
A: “If your father could see you now, he’d be rolling over in his gravy!”
Something’s in the Air
My wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low…
She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, “Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!”
I looked at her and winked, “Inflation.”
Q: If the Pilgrims were still alive today, what would they be most famous for?
A: Their age.
Q: What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
A: Quack, quack!
I shot my first-ever turkey for Thanksgiving this year. Sure scared everyone in the grocery store, though.
By Any Means Necessary
A man called up his adult daughter and told her the bad news: He and his wife were getting a divorce. “But why, dad? What happened?” the daughter asked. “I’ve been miserable for years and I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve packed my bags and I’m leaving tonight!” the father replied.
“Wait, dad! Don’t do anything drastic. I’m coming over to talk to you guys. Can you at least wait until tomorrow?” asked the daughter. “OK, why don’t you bring John and the kids, too. I’m sure your mom will want to see them,” the dad said. “OK,” said the daughter. “See you then.” The man hung up the phone, then said, “Honey! The kids are coming over for Thanksgiving!”