On the Lighter Side (April 2024)

A religious ‘awakening’ occurs at church when the preacher has finished his sermon.

A Sunday school teacher asked the class to draw a picture illustrating a Bible story. Little Johnny drew a picture of a big car. An old man was driving, whiskers flying in the breeze. A man and a woman was seated in the back of the car. Puzzled, the teacher asked Johnny to explain his drawing. “That’s God. He’s driving Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden.”

A college guy walked into a photography department in the college campus with a picture of his girlfriend. He wanted a duplicate of the picture. This required removing the picture from the frame. In doing this the professor noticed the inscription on the back of the photograph: “My dearest Tom, I love you with all my heart. I love you more and more each day. I will love you forever and ever. I am yours for all eternity.” It was signed “Diane,” and it contained a postscript: “If we ever break up, I want this picture back.”

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year-old’s. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

Little five-year-old Johnny was in the bath tub, and his mom was washing his hair. She said to him, “Wow, your hair is growing so fast! You need a haircut again.” Little Johnny replied, “Maybe you should stop watering it so much.”

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ear, he asked, “Do you think I’ll find Big Bird in here?” The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. “Do you think I’ll find the Cookie Monster down there?” Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, “Do you think I’ll hear Barney in there?” “Oh, no!” the girl replied. “Jesus is in my heart. Barney is on my socks.”

The preacher was speaking on the relationship between “fact ” and “faith.” “That you are sitting in front of me here in church is a fact,” he said. “That I am speaking to you from the pulpit is fact. But it is only faith that makes me believe that any of you are listening.”

A boy was watching his father, a preacher, write a sermon.

“How do you know what to say?” he asked.

“Why, God tells me.”

“Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?”

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