[506 words]
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child. I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”
—
John: “Why is Tony pacing the floor like that?”
Jim: “Well, he’s terribly worried about his wife.”
John: “Why? What does she have?”
Jim? “His new car.”
—
Mike: “Is it true that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?”
Larry: “That depends on how fast you carry it.”
—
Doctor: “Are you telling me you have never had an accident in your entire life?”
Farmer: “Well, last spring I was out in the field and my bull tossed me over the fence.”
Doctor: “Don’t you call that an accident?”
Farmer: “Not really, the bull did it on purpose.”
—
A man had a habit of grumbling at the food his wife placed before him at family meals. Then he would ask the blessing.
One day after his usual combination complaint/prayer, his little girl asked, “Daddy, does God hear us when we pray?” “Why, of course,” he replied. “He hears us every time we pray.”
She pauses on this a moment, and asked, “Does He hear everything we say the rest of the time?”
“Yes, dear, every word,” he replied, encouraged that he had inspired his daughter to be curious about spiritual matters.
However, his pride was quickly turned to humility when his daughter asked, “Then which does God believe?”
—
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn’t know what Johnny’s problem was but the boys would constantly tease him. They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and Johnny would always take the nickel — they said because it was bigger. One day after Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it is bigger, or what?
Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I have made $20.
—
During the last Sunday service that the visiting preacher was to spend at the church he had served for some months, his hat was passed around for a going away gift. When it returned to the preacher, it was empty. He didn’t flinch. He raised the hat to heaven and said, “I thank You, Lord, that at least I got my hat back.”