Punny New Year
A New Year’s resolution is something that does in one year and out the other.
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for New Year Eve, middle age is when you’re forced to.
My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.
My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.