I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a five percent raise.
Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?” I responded, “The gas, electric and cable company.”
Q: Have you heard about the band 1023MB?
A: It’s probably because they haven’t got a gig yet…
Q: What do you call Batman when he skips church?
A: Christian Bale.
Q: Why did the car get a flat tire?
A: Because there was a fork in the road!
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals.
She responded, “No, I just really hate vegetables.”
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh more.