A young man was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses…one for each year of her life.
That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
An airline pilot with poor eyesight had managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand. One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that she’d been hoodwinked.
Well, the pilot proved to be nearly blind as a bat. But the doctor could not contain her curiosity. “How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?”
“Well,” says the pilot, “it’s really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years.”
“I can understand that,” replies the doctor. “But what about the take-off?”
“Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!”
“But once you’re aloft?”
“Oh, everything’s fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the autopilot and the plane pretty much flies itself.”
“But I still don’t see how you land!”
“Oh, that’s the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport’s radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, ‘AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!’ pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!”
Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel.
Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides.
“I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?” he asked.
“Actually,” the man replied, “I was wondering who did this to my luggage.”
The Best Guide
Many years ago, it seems that a certain mountain man, by the name of Shorthorn Bill, had become a noted guide throughout Montana Territory.
Regretfully, the territory became too hot to hold him, and Bill was forced to relocate to calmer environs. Having settled outside Denver, he again began working his trade, principally with wealthy easterners who were passing through the city.
On one such adventure, it happened that Bill had a party of railroad men out on the high range and, as he was still new to the place, lead them hopelessly astray.
After many days of travel, the party became belligerent in their blame. “You told us you were the best guide in Colorado,” they asserted.
“I am,” replied Bill, “but I figure we’re in Wyoming now.”
A Few Riddles
Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A: Pharaoh’s daughter – she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
Q: Do they have a fourth of July in England?
A: Yes, between July 3rd and July 5th
Q: A man builds a house, which is rectangular in shape. All four sides have a southern exposure. A big bear walks by What color is the bear?