Humor | September 2021, Vol. 39, No. 9

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On the Lighter Side (September 2021)

posted on September 6, 2021

Mental Age Test

This test was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without making a mistake.  The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it.

1.  This is this cat.
2.  This is is cat.
3.  This is how cat.
4.  This is to cat.
5.  This is keep cat.
6.  This is an cat.
7.  This is old cat.
8.  This is person cat.
9.  This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12.  This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.

The Long Wit of the Law

These are actual comments made by 13 police officers. The comments were taken off actual police car-videos around the country:

1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”

2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

3. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

4. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

5. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

6. “Warning? You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

7. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

8. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”

9. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

10. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC” (National Crime Information Center).

11. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”

12. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”

13. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”

The Good Samaritan

A Sunday School teacher was telling the story of the Good Samaritan to her class of 4- and 5-year-olds. She was making it as vivid as possible to keep the children interested in her tale.

At one point, she asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up.”

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