[397 words]
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to a dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novocaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.” The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?” The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
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In writing his resume for a full-time position, an applicant described his summer job as purchasing, being responsible for the accuracy of daily cash transactions, and maintaining the morale, alertness, and wellbeing of the entire office staff. Actually, he went out for coffee.
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Why doesn’t the fellow who says, “I’m no speech maker,” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?
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A preacher told me of his effort to improve his preaching. He decided to record the Sunday morning service so that he could critique his sermon delivery. The first Sunday of his experiment he came home right after worship services, sat down on the sofa, and put the cassette in the player. He listened to the opening prayer, the hymns, the announcements, the scripture reading, and then he heard himself begin the introduction of his message. About thirty minutes later he woke to the sound of the congregation singing the closing hymn.
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My wife still hasn’t spoken to me since last Christmas. I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, and she said, “Oh, just surprise me.” So, at three o’clock Christmas morning, I leaned over and yelled, “BOO!”
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Merely longing for things to get better can be a lazy person ‘s way of handling life. There was once a farmer who said lightning struck an old shed and thus saved him the trouble of tearing it down, and rain washed off his truck and saved him from that job as well. When asked what he was doing now, he said, “Waiting for an earthquake to shake these potatoes out of the ground!”
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A few years ago an airline ran a special half-fare for the spouse of business travelers. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking them how they enjoyed their trip. The most frequent response was: “What trip?!”