On the Lighter Side (September 2016)

Funny Jokes for Church BulletinMethod of Identification
Wally and Dallas, each bought a horse and they rode them together for the summer. When winter came, they didn’t want to pay to have them stabled for the winter. Instead, they decided to release them in a pasture and get them in the spring.
Wally asked, “How’re we going to know which horse is which when we pick them up?”
Dallas answered, “l know! We’ll cut the mane off of my horse and we’ll cut the tail off of yours. That way, we’ll know which horse belongs to you and which belongs to me.”
That seemed like a great plan, so that’s what they did. When spring came around, however, they discovered that the mane and tail had grown back during the winter.
Wally said, “Since the mane and tail have grown back, how do we know which is yours and which is mine?”
Dallas responded, ‘Well, I guess you’ll have to take the black one and l’ll take the white one.”

Flat Tire
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled over to the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene and became so curious that he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I have a flat tire.” The passerby asked, “ But what’s with the flowers?”
The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don’t make no sense to me neither.”

Creative Time
The last time we changed from daylight saving time, a preacher friend posted, “For those who habitually show up 15 minutes late to church, allow me to remind you that tonight is the night you set your clock back 45 minutes.”

Fixing the Taxes
After hearing a sermon on Psalm 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the IRS, “I can’t sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. Enclosed is a check for $150. If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send the rest.”

Big Difference
During an anti-harassment seminar at work, I asked, “What’s the difference between harassment and good-natured teasing?” A co-worker shouted, “A million dollars.”

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