A minister selected a fifty-cent item in a discount store, but he suddenly realized he had no money with him.
He said to the clerk, “I could invite you to come hear me preach, but I don’t have any fifty-cent sermons.”
The clerk said, “Maybe I could come hear you twice.”
“Now how many of you would like to go to heaven?” asked the Sunday school teacher.
All the eager 4-year-old’s raised their hands except Tommy.
“I can’t,” he said. “My mother told me I have to come right home after Sunday school!”
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?”
She leaned over the counter and said , “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”
In 1492, Columbus set out for the Orient and ended up in the Carribbean, thus setting a pattern that has continued for over five hundred years. Men still won’t stop and ask for directions.
The human resources director was taken aback by the applicant’s salary request.
“You certainly expect to be compensated well for a beginner.”
The applicant replied, “Well, sure. Work’s a lot harder when you don’t know what you’re doing!”
Two cows were grazing in a pasture when they saw a milk truck pass. On the side of the truck were the words, “Pasteurized, homogenized, standardized, vitamin A added.”
One cow sighed and said to the other, “Makes you feel kind of inadequate, doesn’t it?”
During World War II when housing was in short supply, a lady told a five-year-old girl, “It’s too bad you folks don’t have a home.”
The child replied, “Oh, we have a home. We just don’t have a house to put it in!”
The song leader asked the congregation to tum in their songbooks and sing, “Till the Whole World Knows.”
My daughter whispered, “I think we’re going to be here a long, long time.”