Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

Don’t Monkey With Me!
A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, “Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo.” The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, “Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!” The boy answered, “I did! Today I’m taking him to the movies.”

A Thought to Ponder
A $1 bill met a $20 bill and said, “Hey, what’s up? I haven’t seen you around here lately.” The $20 bill replied, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise, saw a couple of baseball games, that kind of thing. How about you?” The dollar bill said, “You know, the same old thing church, church, church.”

Too Young
Little Johnny was in church when the Lord’s Supper was being observed. When each emblem was passed down his pew he wanted to partake, but his mother leaned over and told him that he wasn’t old enough to partake of the communion.
When the collection basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Johnny firmly held his money in his hand and said, “If I can’t eat, I won’t pay!”

Bad Memory
A guy was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her “Honey,” “My love,” “Darling,” “Sweetheart,” etc.
The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was out in the kitchen he said to his buddy, “I think it’s wonderful that after all the years you’ve been married, you still call your wife those pet names.”
His buddy hung his head and whispered, “I forgot her name about ten years ago.”

A Little Hard Work
Now I realize that every generation of adults thinks that children just aren’t as obedient, grateful, respectful, or industrious as they were when WE were growing up.
However, I truly believe that there would be fewer problems with children of today if they had to chop wood to keep the television going!

Family Problems
Jimmy was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home and speak to his parents. When she rang the bell, Jimmy answered.
“I’d like to talk to your mother or father,” the teacher said.
“Sorry, but they ain’t here,” he told her.
“Jimmy!” she said. “What is it with your grammar?”
“Beats me,” Jimmy replied, “but Dad sure was mad that they had t’go bail her out again!”

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