There is a story about a new clerk in a supermarket. A customer asked him if she could buy half a grapefruit. Not knowing what to do, he excused himself to ask the manager.
“Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit…” he began, and, suddenly realizing that the customer had entered the office behind him, continued, “ … and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half.”
The manager was impressed with the way the clerk amicably resolved the problem and they later started chatting. “Where are you from?” asked the store manager.
“Lancaster, Pennsylvania,” replied the clerk, “home of ugly women and great hockey teams.”
“Oh, my WIFE is from Lancaster,” challenged the manager.
Without skipping a beat, the clerk asked, “What team was she on?”
“The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.” — Businessman Stanley Randall
“A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.” — Jay Leno
“Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” — Neil DeGrasse Tyson
The Baseball Challenge
A former manager of the New York Yankees once told about a dream he had in which he died and went to heaven.
There he was ordered to organize and manage a ball team. He said he was overwhelmed by all the available talent – Christy Mathewson, Walter Johnson, Rube Waddell, Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, and many other superstars.
Just then the phone rang. It was Satan calling to challenge the heavenly team to a game.
“But you haven’t got a chance of winning,” said the manager. “You see I got all the great ball players up here.”
Satan explained, “Oh, I know that. But I’ve got all the umpires!”