January 2021, Vol. 40, No. 1

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On the Lighter Side (January 2021)

posted on January 8, 2021

Governmental Talent

Curtis and Leroy saw an ad in the newspaper and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said,

“Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.”

Curtis and Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

They said, “Okay then, just bring us the dead mule.”

The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”

Curtis said, “We gonna raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”

Leroy said, “We shore can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis and Leroy at the grocery store and asked, “What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”

They said, “We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”

Leroy said, “Shucks, we sold 1000 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $1998.00.”

The farmer said, “My goodness, didn’t anyone complain?”

Curtis said, “Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.”

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

New Year’s Resolutions

There once was a man who kept a list of each of his New Year’s resolutions in a notebook. Each year he would turn the page and write a new resolution. One day the man began to think, ‘I have written resolutions each year but I have never gone back and looked at my previous resolutions.’ On doing so, the man began to see a trend:

• 2000: Get my weight below 180

• 2001: Get my weight below 190

• 2002: Follow my diet regularly until I’m below 200

• 2003: Develop a realistic attitude about my weight

• 2004: Work out at least 5 days a week

• 2005: Work out at least 3 days a week

• 2006: Drive past the gym at least once a week.”

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