On the Lighter Side (September 2017)

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Funny Jokes for Church BulletinBeware of Dog?
As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: “Danger! Beware of Dog!” Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor. “Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?” he asks the owner. “That“s him,” comes the reply. “He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?” “Before It posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

Year ‘Round Danger
My mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk. Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a winter, spring, and summer risk too.”

ER Stories
— “Patient in to ER at 0400 with no complaints: ‘I have been having chest pain for 4 months but I am not having chest pain now. The reason I’m here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come cause there are not that many people.’ ”
— “Had a woman call 911 because she ‘had déjà vu in the shower and got nervous.’”
— “Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed help immediately. We arrive on scene, and she hands us an empty mint container, saying she took them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints.”

Runs in the Family
When I arrived at school for my daughter’s parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling me that my little girl didn’t always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty.
“For example, she’ll do the wrong page in the workbook,” the teacher explained, “and I’ve even found her sitting at the wrong desk.”
“I don’t understand,” I replied defensively. “Where could she have gotten that?”
The teacher went on to reassure me that my daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likable. Finally, after a pause, she added, “By the way, Mrs. Gulbrandsen, our appointment was tomorrow.”

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