Don’t Press There
“When I press my forehead with my finger, it really hurts,” a patient complained to his doctor. “And when I do the same to my cheek, it’s also painful. Even if I press on my stomach, it hurts. What can it be?” Stumped, the physician sent him to a specialist. The man returned to his doctor the following week. “What did the specialist say?” the doctor asked. “I have a broken finger.”
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Nice Going
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner, people.” A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off that corner…Now!” Intimidated, the group began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the rookie turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?” “Pretty good,” chuckled the vet, “especially since this is a bus stop.”
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Paddy “Waggin”
At the end of his shift, the police officer parked his police van in front of the station. His K-9 partner, Bo, was in the back. As the officer was exiting his car, a little boy walked by and looked in the back window of the van. “Is that a dog you got back there?” the boy asked. “It sure is,” the officer replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at the officer and then back at the dog. Finally he asked, “What did he do?”
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Won’t Be Back
The wife of a visiting preacher sat alone in the audience while her husband occupied the pulpit. At the close of the service an apologetic deacon greeted her and not knowing her identity said, “Do come again, and don’t think we have such poor preaching all the time. That man is only here for one service.”
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Pain in the Neck
A man went to his doctor complaining of neck pains, headaches, and dizzy spells. “I’m afraid,” said the doctor, ”you only have six months to live.” The man decided to spend his last days enjoying himself. He quit his job, took all his money out of the bank, bought a new sports car, a new cashmere coat, and 10 new shirts. The tailor measured him as a size 16. “Just a minute, I’ve always worn size 14 shirts and that’s what I want,” said the man. “Well, all right,” the tailor replied. “However, wearing a size 14 could cause neck pains, headaches, and dizzy spells.”