Funny Jokes for Church Bulletin

On the Lighter Side (March 2017)

UNUSED 0Can’t Fool Me So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: “You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They’ll rob you blind. Don’t you go paying them what they ask. You haggle.” At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab...

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According to You

UNUSED 0[106 words] The Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John Are read by more than a few. But the one most read and commented on Is the Gospel according to you. You are writing a gospel, a chapter a day, By the things that you do and the words that you say. Men read...

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Two Are Better Than One

UNUSED 0[139 words] Everyone knows that holding hands with your spouse is romantic. But did you know it could be therapeutic? Neuroscientists at the University of Virginia found that married women under extreme stress who reach out and hold their husbands’ hands feel immediate relief. And not just any hand will do—their husband’s touch provided...

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The Challenge of the Four Chaplains

UNUSED 1[299 words] In a recent article, Phillip Morrison retold the story of four chaplains in the U.S. military who died in heroic fashion on the same day. George Fox, Alexander Goode, Clark Poling, and John Washington had just graduated from Army Chaplains School at Harvard and were headed to Europe for their first WWll...

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Our Purpose

UNUSED 0[365 words] An interesting phenomenon is occurring across North America this winter. Individuals and groups are making some things to help those who are cold and in need. The things are scarves and they are turning up in unusual places—wrapped around trees, fire hydrants, light poles, hanging on fences, etc. On a fire hydrant,...

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Reading Bibles Only on the Edges

UNUSED 3[195 words] Bible reading, though discouraged by some, is a wonderful privilege as well as an essential for Christian living (Acts 17:11). Being greater than any product of purely human genius, the Bible cannot but be a benefit to man. In studying the Scriptures man receives lasting blessings: 1. Strength. Who doesn’t need greater...

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Wise Thoughts

UNUSED 1[67 words] 1. When we talk we repeat what we already know; when we listen we learn and grow wiser. 2. The brighter you are, the more you know what you don’t know! 3. You alone can use your time and abilities, choose wisely. 4. Learning is the best wealth — no one can...

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Do You Restore God’s Word?

UNUSED 0[232 words] “Go and inquire of the Lord for me and for the remnant … about what is written in this book that has been found. Great is the Lord’s anger that is poured out on us because our fathers have not kept the word of the Lord; they have not acted in accordance...

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Only By God’s Word?

UNUSED 0[216 words] “In everything he walked in the ways of his father Asa and did not stray from them; he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord. The high places, however, were not removed, and the people continued to offer sacrifices and burn incense there” (1 Kings 22:43). Jehoshaphat did what...

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How Do You Win Souls?

UNUSED 0[214 words] “Finally the temple guards went back to the chief priests and Pharisees, who asked them, ‘Why didn’t you bring him in?’ ‘No one ever spoke the way this man does,’ the guards declared” (John 7:45-46). Word was going around Jerusalem that Jesus might possibly be the Christ, and so those who believed...

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Is Your Tongue Tamed?

UNUSED 0[222 words] “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). When angry men from another tribe confronted Gideon about why he hadn’t waited for them for judgment on enemy leaders, he replied, “What have I accomplished compared to you?” In minimizing his own role and exalting theirs,...

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Paul’s Test for What’s On Your Mind

UNUSED 0[333 words] In Philippians, Paul gave us a litmus test, so to speak, for what should be on or in our minds. “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any...

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Small Congregations: Weak or Strong?

UNUSED 1[227 words] When a lot of Christians picked up the August 2016 issue of Gospel Advocate, Eric Welch’s article “The Strength of Small Churches” surely caught their interest. The thought, “Hey, that’s about our congregation” may have crossed their minds. One of the misconceptions mentioned was that small congregations have something wrong with them...

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What Do You Seek in Religion?

UNUSED 0[203 words] What Paul recorded in 1 Cor. 1:22-23 is not only a commentary on the religious world in his day, it is also very indicative of the religious world today. The text reads: “For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified…” Somewhat paraphrased and adapted to...

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They Did Not Understand

UNUSED 2[165 words] Henry Winkler, (the Fonz), revealed some time ago that he did not know he had a learning problem until he was 31. It turns out he has dyslexia. Sadly, his dad at one time in childhood called him a “dumb dog.” I saw him on TV, and he still has difficulty. Every...

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70×7 – The Formula of Forgiveness

UNUSED 0[177 words] The Lord Jesus Christ commands us to forgive people. And he punctuates it with this statement: “so that your Father in heaven may forgive you.” If you forgive, God forgives you. If you don’t forgive, God will not forgive you (Matthew 6:14-15). One of the more challenging things about forgiveness is that...

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From Death He Arose

UNUSED 1[49 words] From darkest grave, from death he arose, As sacrifice for sin he gave His life, and blood to save flowed freely. I know I’ll rise and never die Again because my God and Lord Was first to be raised, before me. I love the way the Lord has opened. J. Randal Matheny...

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Selfish Forgiveness

UNUSED 0[276 words] Scientific findings have recently confirmed what we Christians have known all along. An unforgiving, grudge-holding spirit is not in our best interest. According to a report heralded by Newsweek, more than 1,200 published studies have now been conducted on the subject and the results are both consistent and conclusive: “…increased blood pressure...

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The New Birth

UNUSED 0[132 words] Being separated from the world is much like a baby being separated from his mother’s womb. While an unborn is still feeding and breathing through his mother’s system, it is as though that is the only way to survive. Then birth occurs. Wow! There is suddenly a whole new way of breathing,...

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Five Powerful Words from Psalm 23

UNUSED 2[348 words] Everyone knows the first five words of the 23rd Psalm: “The Lord is my Shepherd…” These words not only introduce the psalm and the God of the Psalm, but are actually powerful words that reveal our relationship with Him. Notice, for example: The – This reveals that Jehovah God is the only...

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How Can We Help Those Who are Suffering?

UNUSED 1[263 words] “Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world? I’m afraid God is going to ask me the same question.” – Brandon Edwards We all have burdens and deal with suffering. Matthew 5:45 says, “that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise...

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Evil Under the Sun

UNUSED 0[73 words] Why must all these people fight while basking in thy glory’s light? For thine glory’s sake, would thy servants strive under thy wake. Beloved Son, O Prince of Peace, May thy kingdom sure increase. May all find healing in thy bask so all nations may be whole at last. Until thy sweet...

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What Are You Singing?

UNUSED 0[269 words] Over the years I’ve had song leaders that will ask me the topic of my sermon so that they can pick an invitation song that will fit. The invitation song that flows along with the message can be that tipping point that might make someone respond. However, I noticed that many already...

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