[348 words]
Very Punny Christmas
One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn’t cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side.
“Well, would you look at that!” remarked Peter to Joe. “That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!”
Holiday Riddles
Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective ?
A: Santa Clues!
Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it “ soots “ him!
Q: What happened when Joe ate the Christmas decorations?
A: He came down with tinsel-itis.
Q: Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Q: What do lions sing at Christmas?
A: Jungle bells!
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Top 10 Things to Say About a Christmas Gift You Don’t Like
10. Hey! There’s a gift!
9. Well, well, well …
8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.
7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!
4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
2. To think — I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like:
1. “I really don’t deserve this.”
Early Shopping
The judge asked the defendant what he was charged with.
“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” was the reply.
“That not illegal!. How early were you shopping?”
“Before the store was open.”