“Dear God: I bet it’s very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.”
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We had just finished tucking our five kids into bed when three-year-old Billy began to wail. Turns out, he had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he had in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy’s ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband’s hand, swallowed it, and demanded, “Do it again!”
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A little boy asked his mother and father, “Why do they close church and Sunday school every time we have weekend company?”
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The Bible class teacher was explaining the Old Testament account of how Lot’s wife “looked back” and suddenly turned into a pillar of salt.
Little Sue exclaimed, “My mother looked back one time when she was driving and she turned into a telephone pole.”
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Dad rarely dresses up, so when he left the bedroom decked out in a suit and tie, he wanted to commemorate the moment. Handing me a camera, he asked, “Mind taking a selfie of me?”
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I asked my brother-in-law, the father of four boys, “If you had to do it all over again, would you still have kids?”
“Yes,” he said. “Just not these four.”
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A man is driving down the highway when he sees a shipping truck wrecked on the side of the road, and 25 penguins waddling around outside it. He pulls over and the truck driver tells him, “Quick! You’ve gotta take these birds to the zoo while I wait for AAA!”
The man agrees and drives off with the penguins. After fixing his vehicle, the truck driver heads over to the zoo to make sure the penguins made it safely. There’s no sign of them. The truck driver panics and starts scouring the town for his missing penguins.
An hour later he passes by the local cinema, when who does he see leaving the theater but the guy who said he’d help him, 25 penguins still in tow.
“What happened!” the truck driver screams.
“I told you to take them to the zoo!”
“I did,” the man answers. “But I had a little money left over, so I thought I’d take them to a movie too.”