A proud and confident genius makes a bet with a dummy. The genius says, “Hey dummy, every question I ask you that you don’t know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can’t answer yours I will give you $5,000.” The dummy says, “Okay.” The genius then asks, “How many continents are there in the world?” The dummy doesn’t know and hands over the $5. The dummy says, “What animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three? ” The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5,000. The genius says, “Man , I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?” The dummy hands over $5.
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Jan’s father was visiting for a week , and since he was a pretty good fix-it man, she left him a note before she went to work. It read: “Dad , mileage counter on treadmill not working. Any ideas? Love, Jan.” When she returned home, she read his reply: “Jan, walk until you get tired. Love , Dad .”
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A young couple was becoming anxious about their four-year-old son who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him . Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, “Mom , the toast is burned.” “You talked! You talked!” shouted his mother . “I’m so happy! But why has it taken this long?” “Well, up till now,” said the boy, “things have been okay.”
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As they prepared for the final exam in Logic, a college professor offered his class some relief. He told them that they could bring as much information to the exam as they could fit on a piece of notebook paper. Most students crammed as many facts as possible on their 8-1/2-by-1 linch sheet of paper. One student-his name was Bob-walked into class, put a piece of notebook paper on the floor, and had an advanced logic student stand on the paper. The upper graduate told Bob everything he needed to know. Bob was the only student to receive an “A.”
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A couple was having a heated discussion regarding the family finances. Finally the husband exploded : “You know, ifit weren’t for my money, this television set wouldn’t be here. And if it weren’t for my money , that easy chair you’re sitting in wouldn’t be here. AND, if it weren’t for my money, this house wouldn’t be here.” The wife looked at him and said, “Are you kidding ? If it weren’t for your money, I wouldn’t be here!”
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Q: What kind of coat is always wet when you put it on?
A: A coat of paint!