[418 words]
A Special License
After a recent college basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor. He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees and said, “Here’s your phone.”
“What makes you think it’s mine?” the referee asked.
“Easy,” said the coach. “It says you missed l3 calls.”
Mistaken Identity
The children begged for a hamster, and after the vows that they would care for it, they got one. They named it “Danny.” Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for the creature, she located a prospective new home for it.
The children took the news of Danny’s imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, “He’s been around here a long time. We’ll miss him.”
“Yes,” Mom replied, “but he’s too much work for one person, and since I’m that one person, I say he goes.”
Another child said, “Well, maybe if he wouldn’t eat so much and wouldn’t be so messy, We could keep him.”
But Mom was firm. “It’s time to take Danny to his new home now,” she insisted. “Go and get his cage.”
With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, “DANNY? We thought you said “DADDY!”
A Good Swap?
The vice president of a company died. Early the next morning an ambitious junior officer of the company came to see the president and said, “It certainly is sad about our company’s loss, but I’m sure you feel that everything should keep going. I don’t want to seem presumptuous, but I would like to talk to you about me taking his place.”
His boss never hesitated a minute.
“That’s fine with me if you can work it out with the funeral director.”
Human Resources
Some folks are just naturally tactful and considerate. A good example is the office supervisor who called a secretary into his office on Friday afternoon to give her the bad news that she was being fired.
He started the conversation by saying, “Miss Jones, I really don’t know how we’re going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we’re going to try.”
Mechanical Diagnosis
“The car won’t start,” said a wife to her husband. “I think there’s water in the carburetor.”
“How do you know?” said the husband scornfully. “You don’t even know what a carburetor is.”
“I’m telling you,” repeated the wife, “I’m sure there’s water in the carburetor.”
“We’ll see,” mocked the husband. “Let me check it out. Where’s the car?”
“In the swimming pool.”