One day the preacher asked for everyone who wanted to go to heaven to raise their hand. One little boy up front did not raise his hand. The preacher called him out. “Son, don’t you want to go to heaven someday?” The boy said, “Yes, but I thought you were getting up a bunch to go right now!”
—
Jim shows up at a worship service, seeking help.
“I need you to pray for my hearing,” he tells the elders.
One elder puts his fingers on Sam’s ears, and they pray and pray. When he’s done, he
asks, “How’s your hearing now?”
“I don’t know,” says Sam. “I don’t go to court till next Tuesday.”
—
Why does a ten dollar bill look so small at the grocery store, but so big in the church collection plate?
—
During the preacher’s sermon, a large plant fell over right behind the pulpit, crashing to the ground. Acknowledging his reputation for long-windedness, he smiled sheepishly and said, “Well, that’s the first time I actually put a plant to sleep.”
—
A man was late for a business meeting. Unable to find parking at the bank, he pulled into a spot behind a church building across the street. It was only after he’d gotten out of the car that he spotted this sign: “Church parking only. Forgiveness is our business, but don’t make it harder than it already is.”
—
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.
As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the post office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of blocks and tum to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new preacher in town, and I’d like for
you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle, “Awww, come on; you don’t even know the way to the post office!”
—
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister When I grow up.”
“That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?”
“Well,” said the little boy, “I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen.”