[427 words]
On her birthday morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening just before her birthday celebration, he came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
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A group’ of children were asked in Sunday morning Bible class, “Why do you love the Lord?” One child responded, “I don’t know, sir, I guess it just runs in our family.”
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A COW WITH NO HORNS
“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from a nearby city on a field trip to the country.
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, “Well, ma ‘am,
cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep ’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young’uns by putting a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ’em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.”
“But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”
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The manager gasped and shouted after the departing customer. “Come back soon. We’ll have whatever you wanted in a week or so.”
Then the manager turned to the salesman.
“Never ever say we’re out of anything to a customer,” he said. “Tell them we’ll have it soon. Now what did that man want?”
“Rain,” answered the salesman.
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FIGHTING FAIR
Mother: “I’m ashamed of you. Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do.”
Johnny: “He threw a rock at me, so I threw one at him.”
Mother: “When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me.”
Johnny: “Thanks, Mom. But my aim is much better than yours. “
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IT PAYS TO LAUGH
The boss joined a group of workers at the coffee pot and told a series of jokes he’d heard recently.
Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.
“What’s the matter, Mike?” asked the boss. “No sense of humor?”
“My sense of humor is fine,” he said. “But I don’t have to laugh. I’m quitting tomorrow.”
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BE SPECIFIC
Two first-graders were talking during the lunch break.
Mary: “Do you know what is the capital of America?”
Billy: “Washington, D.C.”
Mary: “No! A is the capital of America. You already forgot our lesson: Capitalize proper nouns!”