On the Lighter Side (May 2021)

Employment OpportunitiesI told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a five percent raise.Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?” I responded, “The gas, electric and cable company.” Stupid PunsQ: Have you heard about the band 1023MB?A: It’s probably because they haven’t got a gig yet… Q: What do you call Batman when he skips church?A: Christian Bale. Q: Why did the car get a flat tire?A: Because there was a fork in the road! Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A: A carrot. Even DumberWhen I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals.She responded, “No, I just really hate vegetables.” I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.Not only is it terrible,…