As a man is walking down the street with his friend, he says, “Look at me. I’m a walking economy.”
His friend replies, “And just how do you figure that?”
“Well, my hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me in deep depression.
• • • •
A man went to work one day with both his ears bandaged. His boss asked what happened and he replied, “I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone.” “Well,” said the boss, “that explains one ear, but what about the other one?'” “They called back.”
• • • •
Mama: “I want our Billy to be a philanthropist when he grows up.”
Papa: “Why on earth would you want him to be that?”
Mama: “All the philanthropists you read about are millionaires.”
• •
Jed: “I’ve come here to the library to get a good book, can you help me?”
Librarian: “Would you like something light or heavy?”
Jed: “It doesn’t really matter, I have my car with me.”
• • •
I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and she was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”
• • •
A little boy’s prayer: “Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself God. If anything happens to you, we’re gonna be in a big mess.”