Q: Why did the chicken go to the seance?
A: To get to the other side.
Q: What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
A: Aye matey.
Q: What kind of sandals do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad.
The Greatest
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap, and toting a ball and bat. “I’m the greatest hitter in the world,” he announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. “Strike One!” he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!”
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down, he swung again and missed. “Strike Two!” he cried. The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!”
Again, he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. “Strike Three!”
“Wow!” he exclaimed. “I’m the greatest pitcher in the world!”
—
A boy came late to Sunday School late. Knowing he was usually very prompt, his teacher asked, “Johnny, is there anything wrong?”
“No, ma’am, not really,” he said.”I was going to go fishing, but my daddy told me that I needed to get on up and go to church.”
The teacher was very impressed and asked Johnny if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.
“Yes ma’am, he did,” Johnny said. “My daddy said he didn’t have enough bait for both of us.”
—
One day, a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country so he could have his son see how poor country people were. They stayed one day and one night at the farm of a very humble farm family.
When they got back home the father asked the son, “What did you think of the trip”?
The son replied, “Very nice Dad.” Dad said, “Did you notice how poor they were?” “Yes”. “So, what did you learn from this trip?”
“I’ve learned that we have one dog in the house, and they had four. We have a fountain and imported lamps in our garden, they have a stream with no end and the stars in the sky. Our garden goes to the edge of our property, they have the entire horizon as their back yard.”
At the end of the son’s reply the father was speechless.
Then his son said, “Thank you Dad, for showing me how poor we really are.”