Two buddies decided to go duck hunting. Neither one of them had ever been duck hunting before, but they bought an expensive retriever dog from a local kennel. The trainer promised the dog was highly skilled and would get ducks. After several hours in the blind they still hadn’t bagged any. One hunter turned to the other and said, “I just don’t understand it, why aren’t we getting any ducks?” His friend said, “I keep telling you, I just don’t think we are throwing the dog high enough.”
—
You Know That You Are Getting “Marvelously Mature” When…
• You try to straighten out the wrinkle in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
• At the breakfast table you snap, crackle, and pop and you ‘re not eating cereal.
• You wake up looking like your driving license picture.
• It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
• All you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of your age.
• When your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
• It takes twice as long to look half as good.
• People think you have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care anymore.
• You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
• You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.
—
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and 1 would turn red in the face. ” She continued, “Why is it then, while standing upright, the blood does not run into my feet?” A child said, “Cause your feet aren’t empty.”
—
The boy said to his girlfriend, “I would climb the highest mountain for you. I would swim the widest ocean for your love. I would brave the coldest snow storm or the hottest desert to be with you. I would challenge a thousand dragons for your hand. And I’ll be over Saturday night, if it’s not raining.”