A Valentine from the Garden
Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You’re such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?
You’ve been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We’d make a perfect Pear.
Now, something’s sure to Turnip,
To prove you can’t be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let’s let our Tulips meet.
Don’t Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato’s eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.
I’ll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I’ll work and share my Celery,
So be my Valentine.
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Dirty Valentine Business
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.
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Valentine’s Day Dad Jokes
“Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?” “Yes, it’s February 14.”
“Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day?” “A calendar.”
“What do you call two birds in love?” “Tweethearts!”
“When should you ask someone out on a coffee date?” “When you like them a latte.”
“I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels. They didn’t know I existed.”
“What did one oar tell the other oar?” “This is so row-mantic!”
“What do you call a Valentine’s Day gift that didn’t arrive time?” “Choco-late.”
“How much candy do you hope to get this Valentine’s Day?” “A choco-LOT!”