[436 words]
Donna’s father was visiting for a week, and since he was a pretty good fix-it man, she left him a note before she went to work. It read: “Dad, mileage counter on treadmill not working. Any ideas? Love, Donna.” When she returned home, she read his reply: “Donna, walk until you get tired. Love, Dad.”
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After a day of listening to my eighth graders exchange gossip, I decided to quote Mark Twain to them: “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
After considering my words, one of my students asked, “What does it mean to remove all doubt?”
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A church nursery had this Scripture on the wall: “We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed” (1 Corinthians 15:51).
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As a man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. When he answered, he heard his wife warn him urgently, “George, I just heard on the news that there’ s a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful coming home!” “I’m there right now,” said George, “and it’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
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“How do you spell toad?” one of my first grade students asked.
“We just read a story about a toad,” I said, then helped him spell it out: “T-0-A-D.”
Satisfied, he finished writing the story he’d begun, then read it aloud: “I toad my mama I wanted a dog for my birthday.”
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The doctor decided to put his overweight patient on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days,” he said. “Then I want you to skip a day. Follow this pattern for two weeks and come back to see me. After two weeks you should Jose five pounds.” Two weeks later the man came back for his appointment. He had lost twenty pounds. The doctor asked, “You lost all this weight just by following my instructions?” The man said, “Yes, but I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead on that third day.” The doctor asked, “From hunger?” “No,” the man said. “From skipping!”
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There was a typo on a test I was taking. Instead of “(D) none of the above,” it said “(D) one of the above.” So I circled it.
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To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. “We’ll have the ‘guiseppe
spomdalucci,”‘ he said. “Sorry, sir,” said the waiter. “That’s the proprietor.”